What Do You Want to Be...Now That You're Grown Up?

This will make me sound ancient. But when I was growing up there weren't many celebrity role models available to women. You could be a glamorous sexy actress like Marilyn Monroe, a perfect wife and mother like June Cleaver (Beaver's mom) or a competent damsel in distress like Lois Lane. But I didn't live in Hollywood, I lived in Skokie, Illinois where most of the women were wives and mothers. When a woman worked outside of the home, it was always in a nurturing and caretaking role: secretary, teacher, nurse.

When new dreams and possibilities opened up to women, our fantasies changed as well. While many young girls still dream of being ballerinas and movie stars, they also dream of becoming doctors and lawyers and news anchors.

Boys' fantasies haven't changed nearly as much. Young boys still dream of becoming the next superhero or superathlete. What has changed is that they now have to compete with girls for the top spots.

With so many choices available, it is hard to know what to choose (at any age.) Choosing a career involves a journey of exploration and self-discovery. This often involves a separation process. By that I mean separating what you want for yourself from what your parents want for you. I am reminded, for example, of how difficult it was for one of my investment banker clients to acknowledge and accept his daughter's desire to do humanitarian work in third world countries rather than follow him into the world of high finance. To her credit (and his) she was a determined young woman who was able to convince her father that she had to follow her own dream...even if it meant living a different life than the one that he had envisioned for her.

In my career counseling practice I often work with young adults to help them clarify their own dreams and forge their own paths. Along the way, we almost always encounter the "How am I going to tell my parents?" question or, in some cases, "My parents are going to kill me when they here this" scenario.

Part of growing up, of course, is taking responsibility for your own life choices. That may also mean giving up the need for your parents' approval and even financial support. I cannot overstate the importance of this. Living your parents' dream is a recipe for unhappiness. No one can live your life for you - not even your parents. You don't become a grown up simply by adapting to cultural conventions (getting married, buying a house, having a baby). You become a true adult when you live an emotionally authentic life, a life that is consistent with your values, talents, and needs.

Keeping that information in mind, what do you want to "be" now that you're grown up?