Managing Upward

If I believe everything that I am told, there is no such thing as a good boss.

While I grant that there are a lot of bosses who haven't really learned how to manage or supervise other people, there is also an art to learning how to make your boss a better boss aka known as "managing upward."

Many people believe that it is the responsibility of the person in authority to figure out how to develop the talents and abilities of the people they manage and, in a perfect world, this would be true. In the real world of work, many bosses are more preoccupied with building their own careers than they are about the careers of the people who work with and for them.

Too often the boss-employee relationship is viewed through the lens of a parent-child relationship when, in fact, it is a relationship between two adults. Granted one of those adults has more authority and power. But you still can use your influence to get your professional needs met.

Unfortunately many people carry excess emotional baggage into their relationships with authority that mirrors the relationships they had with their parents when they were growing up. On more than one occasion, I have seen talented and successful adults crumble into tears and/or throw temper tantrums at the slightest criticism from their bosses. You know that your throes of a transference reaction (relating to your boss as if s/he is your parent) when your emotional response is clearly excessive, given the circumstancdes. Of course, no one likes to be criticized but constructive criticism can be helpful. Learning how to accept and grow from criticism is part of what it means to be a responsible adult.

If you're one of those people who has constant "boss trouble" there are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Don't assume the role of victim. As an adult you always have options. If you feel that you are being scapegoated or exploited, consider what those options are. Does it make sense, for example, to discuss the situation with other people in the organiation -- not in the form of gossip but in the spirit of problem solving and team play.

2. Avoid power struggles with your boss. Your boss has more real power than you do, this will always end badly.

3. Talk to your boss about how you feel; but don't accuse, blame or criticize. When you are talking about your feelings, you need to be able to do so without crying or raging against the person who you feel has wronged you. When you are able to discuss your situation professionally, there is a greater likelihood that you will be treated with respect.

4. Not everything is personal. Although you may be effected by your boss' bad mood, it may have nothing to do with you or your performance. Don't personalize issues and events that aren't personal.

5. Accept responsibility for your own behavior. If you made a mistake, learn from that mistake and move on. Beating yourself up for your mistakes won't make you feel better and it certainly won't make you more successful.